Cat and Jonny

"Parents are so useful," said my daughter Cat, when we were skyping a few days ago. "Really good to talk things over with." She was calling to discuss her complicated summer plans. She's fitting in work, going to two Christian summer conferences (one as a leader, one as a delegate), volunteering for Tearfund, visiting friends all over Britain and going on an activity holiday to Switzerland. (We almost dragged her off to Africa with us too, but that's another story.)

Balancing time, money, working out what's best for her and the friends she cares for and supports. She's incredibly giving, loving and generous.

So is Jonny, her twin brother. He finished his exams a couple of days ago, but he's not coming home until the beginning of June before he goes off to Tanzania to meet up with some of his best friends, Jesse and Trevor. They've known each other since before they were born. Are now continents apart. Still great friends.

So Jonny is hanging around, being a good friend as only he can. (Watch him in a group. He has identified the newcomers and come alongside them, befriending them and drawing them in, before you can blink.) And helping out at church. On a Sunday, he's up at 6am to help go and set up ready for the services. I am so proud of him and his servant heart.

I won't embarrass them any more. I could go on and on. I won't.

Honesty

Honesty keeps cropping up frequently this week.

Today, it was two friends discussing different social functions they had had to attend.

Both felt profoundly uncomfortable. One was embarrassed, the other so overcome by the urge to giggle that she had to leave as soon as she decently could.

The reason for their discomfort was the people they were with. Women with breasts hoisted up to their collarbones; faces lifted, botoxed and tucked up; dressed as twenty year olds, whose sole topic of conversation was the sandals they were wearing. The atmosphere was stifling: all about appearance, maintaining a facade, pretending to be other than who they really were.

My friends are beautiful, elegant women. Both are bright, with a wide range of interests. Both are very honest, real people. Neither could cope with the falsehood underlying the relationships in that particular social set.

Jesus often talked about the dangers of fussing with our appearance and trying to make ourselves look good in front of others, rather than attending to what we are like on the inside. Something to remember.

To be true, to be honest, to deny any appearance of a lie - this is how to live.

Discombobulated

Wow, what a word. It means confused, disconcerted, upset, frustrated. One of the local vicars used it in school assembly this morning – and one of the boys knew what it meant! (Which must surely mean that his parents have used it… I wonder why…)

It's a good word, though. It could describe my state of mind quite accurately.

I'm in danger of becoming discombobulated because…

…we won't be seeing some of our oldest and closest friends, after a four year gap, this summer.

….we can't decide on holiday plans.

…I have so much on my mind that I'm getting very little done.

At school I have to:

Organise our school delegation to the Primary Schools' Congress for the day after tomorrow. I and the School Council chairman need to decide which issues we will present, organise the most important points and brief the delegates. We have a twenty minute slot tomorrow to do all that.

Organise our next School Council meeting

Plan and organise the school garden – a huge bare area of soil at present

Run the cycling proficiency club well enough for the boys to pass their road tests

Rewrite the PSHE and Citizenship scheme of work

Review the PSHE and Citizenship policy

Make sure that Walk to School week – NEXT WEEK!!! – is promoted properly.

That's all without teaching, marking and preparation.

'Ware discombobulation!

Honesty or, The Great Cake Analogy

Ironic that I've been thinking about honesty. The vicar mentioned it this morning. The necessity of being honest with God.

And, to my mind, with each other as well.

Ironic also, because I just made a cake. I just love analogies. This is my latest. The Great Cake Analogy.

My cake making is... okay. The cakes usually taste good, even when I don't measure the ingredients properly. But it's a bit hit and miss - partly because I don't make cakes very often, so I forget how to do it. As for icing... well, it's always necessary. Necessary because I really like the icing best of all, and necessary to hide all the lumpy bits. The cakes never turn out with good smooth, level surfaces. There are bumps at the side and on top, but nothing that a layer of icing can't cure.

The trouble is, icing isn't good. It's calories your body doesn't need and sweetness which damages the teeth.

I do other damage to my life, if I'm not careful.

My life is like one of my cakes. Lumpy, bumpy and doesn't look good, although it doesn't taste too bad. Yet a lot of the time I ice it over, so no one can see the ugly bits.

My icing is made of politeness, dissembling, camouflage and hidden emotions. It contains lies, which are very useful for covering up hurt and difficulty, the sort of lies on the lines of 'I'm fine, thank you,' in answer to 'How are you?'. It is smoothed down with the hot water of positive thinking - if I don't admit to the problem, it will go away.

People can't connect properly if I am not honest about my life. If I gloss over difficulties - particularly if I cover them with holy optimism and Bible references - others cannot see the real me. Icing over my life isn't good for me.

Am I prepared to be honest with God? Am I prepared for people to see the uncovered ugliness that is like one of my cakes before cosmetic treatment?

PURPOSE

Every so often, I find myself reviewing my purpose. What am I here for? Or: What on earth am I doing here? Even: What on earth do I THINK I am doing? And even more frequently, What have I done to get myself into this mess and how can I possibly get out of it?

I won't attempt to answer those questions. Not here, not right now anyway.

But I came across some thoughtful words. Ruth Haley Barton in Longing For More, IVP (ISBN 978 184474 2059, because I've only read an extract in a magazine which I will no doubt lose and I do want to get the book sometime).

She has reminded me that:

1. I need not be defined by other people's expectations of me.
   
2. My purpose is to reflect God's character, to love him, and to be honest with him.
   
3. My purpose is also to acknowledge and develop the abilities he has given me, in the situation he has put me in.
   

Easy.

Not always simple, but easy. As long as I keep these priorities in mind and take opportunities daily, not putting them off.

So…I can certainly develop kindness with every chance to help someone out.

I can take time to write a few thoughts. I can't draw or paint, although I am beginning to wonder if I might be able to if I tried, but I can use words.

I can become more expert at organising my class, a church cleaning party, a Bible study for home group, and keeping my house clean and tidy. Well, the latter isn't done quite so well. That area of my organisational abilities probably needs developing more than others.

So God is like a photographer in the darkroom of life, maybe. The developing fluid sloshing over the imprinted photographic paper is life with all its challenges, sloshing over us. As we respond, our picture – who we are – emerges. How God must be delighted to see the completed photo emerging!

Precious messages

Remembering the good old days of letters, when I kept them by the trunkful. Then I made several major moves - to other countries, other continents - and I had to throw many away. The sorrow was mine alone - I am sure the senders had forgotten all about them long before.

Now my precious messages are by email, on the internet, in text messages to my mobile phone. The latter reminded me just now that the memory is 80% full - time to empty the inbox and sent items folders.

Yet there were a few I just couldn't bring myself to delete. Here they are - for my memory, really.

From Catharine: HAPPY mother's day! love us so much, ur such a special mum! Xxx Xxx big hug Xxx

From Jonny: HAPPY MOTHERS DAY! Love you very much. Have a card on my desk for you. Anyway see you in two weeks or so.

From Jonny: Hey nun am having a great might in church. I love you so much you are such a fantastic mum!

They won't read this, fortunately, so I'm not embarrassing them. (We do talk, so they don't need to keep up with me by reading my blog!). But it's all very special. Mothers, I suspect, rarely feel as if they are doing a good job - there are so many things to do wrong - and I'm a prime example of Muddle Through Mothering. It's amazing that Jonny and Cat have turned out the way they have, but that's another story...

Oh well - I can go empty the inbox now...

Fog

Liberation Day today, commemorating the day when Guernsey was freed from Occupation by the Germans during the Second World War. It's an emotive day for many Guerns, particularly for those who lived through the Occupation or who were evacuated to England. Some of them had no idea about what had happened to their families for the duration of the war. Some of the children, many very young, had no contact with their parents for six years.

Suitably, the day has been foggy. The foghorns have been sounding relentlessly as waves of fog roll in repeatedly from the sea. At times, the fog has looked as if it is clearing, the sun's warmth starting to seep through the clamminess. Yet over and over again a chill wind breathes across the island and we are enclosed once more.

When you can't see clearly – not even to the end of the garden, the edge of the beach, beyond the rocks – there is a sense of hopelessness. Just as there must have been during the Occupation. Yet the Bible reminds us to keep hoping:

No king is saved by the size of his army;
no warrior escapes by his great strength.

A horse is a vain hope for deliverance;
despite all its great strength it cannot save.

But the eyes of the LORD are on those who fear him,
on those whose hope is in his unfailing love,

to deliver them from death
and keep them alive in famine.

We wait in hope for the LORD;
he is our help and our shield. (Psalm 33, verses 16 – 20)

Hope is mentioned over 170 times in the Bible! My favourite is in Romans Chapter 5, verses 3 to 5: "…we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.

Hope does NOT disappoint us! We are indeed liberated when we trust our lives to Jesus. Hurray!