Tuesday 14 February 2012

Valentine's Day

Valentine's Day. Not a day I normally celebrate. I didn't grow up with it and, during my many years living in Kenya, didn't experience the commercial reminders. 
Generally, it passed me by apart from one memorable year when I was at college. I received a wonderful, intriguing, poetic Valentine in the morning post. I was mildly flattered and mildly curious until I arrived at my first lecture. My best friend Sue had received an identical card with a slightly different poetic message. Obviously from the same person - first problem. Sue was married - second, major problem. Her husband had been rather upset, giving her the silent treatment. Although Sue was relieved to find that her card was evidently a joke, nevertheless she was desperate to find out who had sent it. I was so desperate for her I don't even remember if I was disappointed that my card wasn't 'for real'.
We spent the day asking EVERYONE who knew both of us if they had sent it, to the obvious amusement of our lecturers. (Yes, we were young. And giddy.)
At the end of the day, Sue trailed home apprehensively. She and her husband divorced a few years later.
(Not because of the Valentine's card, though. Sue eventually discovered, after meeting two other friends  - one a neighbour, one from her husband's course - that they had also received identical cards. Her husband had sent them - having only managed not to explode with amusement at her consternation by keeping silent.)
This year, as I catch up reading some wonderful blogs over the half term holiday from school, I find Valentine's Day messages everywhere.
I liked this one: a reminder that many men are not at all naturally romantic. I like that she reminds us it's not about us and how romantic our husband/boyfriend should be towards us when she says: "There are no exceptions in the Bible where it says on Birthdays, Mother's Day and Valentine's Day we have permission to be selfish and self-centered."  
We don't need to believe what the media tells us. Most men just don’t have ‘romantic’ bones. Their flashes of romantic inspiration are few and far between. My husband veers from absolutely no romantic gestures at all to, every few years, doing something ‘over the top’.  Never on Valentine's Day, but on our wedding anniversary. 
The most memorable - the one that still takes my breath away when I remember it - was when we were living in Kenya while the children were young. We had been married twelve years. He had given up his flying career to work voluntarily in an orphanage and I was teaching. So not a lot of money going into our bank account every month.  Somehow - I'm still not sure whether this was already arranged or if he managed to engineer it - our children were invited to two separate sleepovers for the weekend. As they went off,  I had my weekend planned in my mind but was happy to drive with him to our local airport while he 'checked up' on something. It wasn't until he drew up outside the air charter hangar that I began to suspect something. He had chartered a small plane to fly us down to an exclusive lodge in Amboseli game reserve, in the foothills of Mount Kilimanjaro.  He had even packed a weekend bag for me with everything - including my prettiest dress - that I might need. I was almost too shocked at the extravagance to enjoy myself. 
Before that, it had taken me a long time to accept that he just didn’t ‘do’ bunches of flowers, sweet sentiments or even chocolate!! These things - whether small gestures or hugely extravagant gifts - are sweet, but ultimately don't matter. What really matters is not a once or twice a year fuss, but daily kindnesses and tiny acts of appreciation: the thanks for a meal, or an errand run. A gentle back rub, a touch on the arm. A meaningful kiss. A smile into eyes.
I'm thinking of a sweet friend of mine who is struggling with this whole romance thing - she longs for it, her boyfriend doesn't 'do' romance in the same way.  They are good friends, but the relationship has been a little bit 'on off'.  
I’m probably the last person to talk to regarding an ongoing relationship like this as my husband and I just met each other, deciding almost instantly that this was 'the one' and then got on with it! (I'm talking days, maybe weeks, here.) His excuse is that, as a pilot, he is used to very quick decision making. Mine is that I was SOOO old – nearly 30, and the spinster teacher of the family – that I would have said yes to anyone. That's my cover story, not the truth, of course.
Instant attraction. Romantic to the extreme. But then I think of Little Women, by Louisa May Alcott. It always struck me that the marriage of Amy and Laurie seemed relatively passionless (they agreed that they ‘pulled together well’ when they were out rowing on a lake, as far as I remember!) but it was a happy and lasting marriage. And I think that a lot of good marriages certainly end up like that – pulling well together –  however they begin.
As long as they have Valentine's Day sentiments 365 days a year.
Look here for a cute story of how one couple met...

Sunday 5 February 2012

Sunday blues...

I'd already posted today - after quite a long silence - when I suddenly realised that a lot of the blogs I subscribe to are written by YOUNG WOMEN. A LOT of them.  And while they are all marvellously inspiring to read, it hit home hard today that actually I need to link up with empty nesters.
Because that's what I am. Yes, I am still a mother. Just, it seems, no longer 'practising' or 'employed' in the same way as when my children were younger. Because they are not children any more. (Haven't been for some time, if I am honest. I hope, dreadful thought, that I haven't been treating them as toddlers for the last six years. Or even as primary age children. Or teenagers. Hmm....)
So I haven't gone to bed when I should have done. I'm here, on my laptop, searching for bloggy empty nester friends.
This is where I know God has been here before me.
Earlier this evening, I clicked on an (In)courage link. A wonderful newsletter/blog with a variety of contributors. I didn't read it, just opened it up for later. It was the first thing I saw when I sat back down at my laptop.
So I read the post. I scrolled down. I saw the author bio: Deidra is an East Coast girl living in an empty nest ... 
And that was enough for me.  I'm lining up here this Sunday to follow this wise empty nester and see what other wisdom I might gain along the way.
Because I need this help.

January, this was you...

On the back of our yearly Christmas update, I started to think about this coming year's - 2012.
I wondered what the year would bring.
I wondered if I would remember the things I wanted to talk about: the funny, the sad, the tragic, the happy...
I wondered if I could even remember what had happened in the previous month.

One of the best 'round robins' we had this year was from friends we had seen in the summer. So yes, we had a good idea of what had been happening in their lives. But their letter was fun. Fun because:
1. It was written on one side of A4.
2. There were a few photos - enough, but not too many.
3. Their year was divided up into months, with one. or two sentences talking about the highlights.
Good idea, I thought.

So here is January. Out of this, I hope to distil one accurate, perhaps pithy, sentence. Well, I can always hope....

January A month of beginnings and endings.
First, the end of the Christmas holidays. Jonny, home for Christmas, went back to Norwich. We miss him. He is an exuberant, lively presence. The dog misses him, too.
We went to a wedding in England. Always a bit of a mission, getting to something like that which involves a flight before we even begin a drive anywhere.  Worth it, though - it was a joyous, Christ-centered, happy occasion full of lovely people. And of course, the bride, the daughter of ex- Kenya friends, was radiant. She really was.
Richard finally heard news from the CAA that he could reapply for his medical. When he did so, the doctor proclaimed him as fit as a much younger person would be. He begins work at the end of February. Praise the Lord!
The school term started at a gallop, cantering at an ever-increasing pace towards half term next week. (Phew.)
The dog was spayed. We had a few sleep-deprived nights as she recovered from the operation. Sore.
Cat came home from New Zealand, via Bradford and Norwich. What a joy to have her with us for a week. And what a bittersweet goodbye, as a heavy sadness hung on my heart, even though I rejoice that she is happy there doing a satisfying job in a culture offering all kinds of unique, fun opportunities.
I began an online Bible study on Ephesans...After two weeks, I've reached as far as Chapter 2...
And finally, this week, came the news of the end of a life. An old family friend - well into his eighties, but the news was still a shock - had died suddenly, and tragically. He collapsed while making a speech at his granddaughter's wedding. For him, it was a wonderfully rapid exit to be with Jesus, but the shock for his family was, of course, immense. Richard had known him and his wife for over 50 years...
A  strange ending to the month which began the year.