As far as I know, it's not my 'fault'. I've tried my best to 'fix' it, continued to be as gracious and loving as I could - yet to no avail.
I know I cannot change anyone else's actions, thoughts, feelings.
I do know it.
Yet I live in hope. I find myself saying:'Maybe if I... this time perhaps she will...I wish...'
Nothing seems to change.
A friendship, dying for some time, now seems dead.
Then I read these wise words from Susan Lawrence, drawing the analogy of a transplanted tree which then died,:
"When have you tried to grow something where it doesn’t belong? If you’re like me, just about anything you plant doesn’t survive regardless of where you plant it, but think beyond plants…
When have you continued a relationship that’s unhealthy? Taken a job that drains you of your energy and talents? Committed to volunteer out of guilt instead of passion and service? Rationalized behavior or attitude you know isn’t appropriate?We’re often planted in imperfect soil for a season, awaiting transplant. Isn’t that what life on earth is? It’s imperfect, and we make sacrifices. We deal with less than ideal situations at times…and yet we begin to feel at home where we’re only intended to temporarily live. Be careful of creating stubborn root systems in temporary soil.
Still other seed fell on good soil. It came up, grew and produced a crop, multiplying thirty, sixty, or even a hundred times. Mark 4:8 (NCV)"Trying to continue to 'grow' my dying relationship has to stop.
A lost friendship isn't something to mourn over. Nor are missed opportunities, past mistakes, difficult times.
Life is for living. Leave the past, move on in the present to the future.
(Having said that, I also know that Jesus is in the business of bringing life where there is death - so I try to keep an open heart without looking backwards.)
Also on that theme, I was reminded of these useful tips for choosing how I spend my life - time, energy, emotion - by Karen Ehman. When Life is Too Loud for Quiet Time, People-Pleasing + Passivity - Overcommitment, Activity or Eternity and finally and most usefully: What's a Too-Busy Gal To Do?
Here are nuggets of wisdom:
Every need isn't necessarily your call.
Make it your policy to pause.
Walk away and don't look back.
Don't take on more than you can pray for.
Live your priorities.
Stop second-guessing yourself.
She quotes from Renee Swope's book A Confident Heart:
“I know all of life is screaming for your time, but instead of giving your divided attention to many good things, commit to setting aside time each week to walk through the process of finding God’s things for you. A confident-in-Christ woman wants to know who God created her to be. She is comfortable saying “no” to some things so that she can say “yes” to living the life God wants her to live. She is intentional and secure about pursuing the spiritual purpose God has for her.”
Doesn't that sound like moving on?