Sunday, 7 June 2015

The Meaning of Marriage: Tim and Kathy Keller

I wanted to review this book, but I can't. There's just too much in it to try to condense meaning, so I will just try and jot down some nuggets to remember. I'm in a hurry to pass it on to a young, unmarried-but-on-the-way-to-it friend.

The secret of marriage  is that Jesus gave himself up for us (p45)...he died to his own interests...marriage only 'works' to the degree that apporximates the patternof God's self-giving love in for your spouse what God did for you in Jesus, and the rest will follow. (p47)...Marriage is a major vehicle for the gospel's remaking of your heart from the inside out and your life from the ground up.

The power for marriage if we look to our spouses to fill up our tanks in a way that only God can do, we are demanding an impossibility...we are not to live for ourselves, but for the other...all Christians who really understand the gospel undergo a radical change in the way they relate to people. (p53)

The Gospel: you are so lost and flawed, so sinful, that Jesus had to die for you, but you are also so loved and valued that Jesus was glad to die for you....freely give and freely is the opposite of self-seeking...
The Gospel can make you happy enough to be humble...Without the help of the Spirit, without a continual refilling of your soul's tank with the glory and love of the Lord, such submission to the interests of the other is virtually impossible to accomplish without becoming resentful.

Seek to serve one another rather than to be happy, and  you will find a new and deeper happiness...
CS Lewis: Give up yourself, and you will find your real self...(Mere Christianity) Wounded people...are so engrossed in their own pain and problems that they don't realize what they look like to others...The essence of for ourselves, rather than for God and the people around us. (p63)...see your own selfishness as a fundamental problem...

'Fear' means to be overwhelmed, to be controlled by something. To fear the Lord is to be overhwelved with wonder before the greatness of God and his love....We love - because he first loved us. 1 John 4:19

The essence of marriage Lewis Smedes - we are who we become by making wise promises and keeping be fully known and truly loved is like being loved by liberrates us from pretense, humbles us out of our self-righteousness and fortifies us for any difficulty life can throw at us.

The mission of marriage  - its purpose. Friendship....must be about something that both are committed to and passionate about...'those who are going nowhere can have no fellow travellers'. (CS Lewis, The Four Loves) (p114)

Christian friendship: spiritual transparency, spiritual constancy...deep oneness  develops as two people, speaking the truth in love, journey together...

Loving the stranger...We don't really know each other when we get married...character flaws cause problems..Marriage brings out the worst in you...Marriage has...'the power of truth'...which is a hard gift to receive...give each other the right to hold one another accountable...marriage has a power to heal us of hurts and convince us of our own distinctive beauty and worth...give your spouse love in the way he finds most emotionally valuable and powerful...give affection and friendship; reconcile; give forgiveness as Jesus did.

Embracing the other... recognising how different and unique we are.

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