Moving on...

I've been greatly challenged recently by a relationship.  A friend, once close, has now become distant.
As far as I know, it's not my 'fault'. I've tried my best to 'fix' it, continued to be as gracious and loving as I could - yet to no avail.
I know I cannot change anyone else's actions, thoughts, feelings.
I do know it.
Yet I live in hope. I find myself saying:'Maybe if I... this time perhaps she will...I wish...'
Nothing seems to change.
A friendship, dying for some time, now seems dead.
Then I read these wise words from Susan Lawrence, drawing the analogy of a transplanted tree which then died,:

"When have you tried to grow something where it doesn’t belong? If you’re like me, just about anything you plant doesn’t survive regardless of where you plant it, but think beyond plants…

When have you continued a relationship that’s unhealthy? Taken a job that drains you of your energy and talents? Committed to volunteer out of guilt instead of passion and service? Rationalized behavior or attitude you know isn’t appropriate?

We’re often planted in imperfect soil for a season, awaiting transplant. Isn’t that what life on earth is? It’s imperfect, and we make sacrifices. We deal with less than ideal situations at times…and yet we begin to feel at home where we’re only intended to temporarily live. Be careful of creating stubborn root systems in temporary soil.

Still other seed fell on good soil. It came up, grew and produced a crop, multiplying thirty, sixty, or even a hundred times. Mark 4:8 (NCV)"

Trying to continue to 'grow' my dying relationship has to stop.
A lost friendship isn't something to mourn over. Nor are missed opportunities, past mistakes, difficult times.
Life is for living. Leave the past, move on in the present to the future.
Moving on.
(Having said that, I also know that Jesus is in the business of bringing life where there is death - so I try to keep an open heart without looking backwards.)


Also on that theme, I was reminded of these useful tips for choosing how I spend my life - time, energy, emotion - by Karen Ehman. When Life is Too Loud for Quiet Time, People-Pleasing + Passivity - Overcommitment,  Activity or Eternity and finally and most usefully: What's a Too-Busy Gal To Do?
Here are nuggets of wisdom: 
Every need isn't necessarily your call.
Make it your policy to pause.
Walk away and don't look back.
Don't take on more than you can pray for.
Live your priorities.
Stop second-guessing yourself.


She quotes from Renee Swope's book A Confident Heart:

“I know all of life is screaming for your time, but instead of giving your divided attention to many good things, commit to setting aside time each week to walk through the process of finding God’s things for you. A confident-in-Christ woman wants to know who God created her to be.  She is comfortable saying “no” to some things so that she can say “yes” to living the life God wants her to live.  She is intentional and secure about pursuing the spiritual purpose God has for her.”

Doesn't that sound like moving on?

Priorities

Until yesterday, I hadn't been on here for a while. So when I clicked that little arrow/triangle thing next to the bar that shows a website URL, www.mamampira.blogspot.com was way down the drop down list which emerged.

It was interesting to see what this little laptop had been looking at.

First was my school email. There is so much going on in the last few weeks of term that I look at the school electronic calendar and check my school email from home as well. I need to be prepared: sometimes, 'stuff' happens at school and I don't manage to look first thing in the morning – usually when there really IS something urgent I should have known about.

Then was the University of East Anglia website. Ah ha, Cat has been using my computer to check up on her course work marks and exam results. (Pity I can't check up on that one as well – she's out now, so I can't ask her and satisfy my curiosity.)

I'm glad to see that www.biblegateway.com comes before www.jerseymet.gov.je . At least I have my priorities right – a God forecast (looking to see what God is saying) before the weather forecast.

Then there was www.thisisguernsey.com/ecycle . Our wonderful website for recycling unwanted items. Only been going a year or so, and 8000 items recycled. I'm hunting for unusual containers to put herbs into, so I trawl it frequently. Nothing much has come up, but I could have collected, for free, a 22foot yacht, a wireless router, a children's climbing frame, a new car tyre, a set of gym weights, kitchen units, deck chairs, light fittings and any number of furniture and furnishing items.

Then there was my hotmail address. I've had it for years but don't use it much now, so I check it infrequently. Now, it's a quick reference for messages I'm sent on www.facebook.com as well. That was the next one down.

After that, the list becomes quite garbled. Amazon and Boots (shopping). A website which helps sort out router problems (we've been having difficulty getting online). Google – I'm surprised that wasn't further up the list. I just love finding out information in seconds.

Lastly – www.magicseaweed.com, set at the Guernsey page. Instant surfing news: how good the surf is expected to be and when, the height and frequency of the waves, tide times… everything you need to know.

Interesting to see my life in terms of websites most frequently visited. It's not a true reflection – just of my relationships and activities through my laptop.

How boys see things

Had the most wonderful conversation with a child this week. In a very bizarre way.
He had been disciplined by his History teacher, losing some of his playtime. I asked him what he had done.
"Well," he said thoughtfully, "I did two bad things."
"Can you tell me what you did?" I enquired.
"Well, I can only remember one."
I smiled encouragingly.
"I told Tom how to spell Guy Fawkes," he said, his huge eyes looking up at me with the innocence of a bushbaby.
Incomprehensible. It is not even as if our expectations of behaviour are exceptionally high. Further conversation elicited that he had not been given a task to do.
"So Mrs Robinson was teaching the whole class, was she?" I inquired.
"No," was the reply, "she was talking to Andrew."
It turns out that Andrew had asked a question.
"So what were you supposed to be doing?"
"Listening."

He wasn't, obviously, if he was talking to his neighbour. Hence the discipline.

Quite an insight into how a boy's mind can work. Evidently, if someone in the class asks a question during a whole class discussion, no one else is required to listen. Hmm.

Learning Life Skills

Going off to uni is a big step. It's not so much the being away from home, though that doesn't help: after all, who is going to be around to answer difficult questions like 'How much washing powder do I put into the machine?'

It's finding all those life skills necessary for survival. Food shopping, cooking, washing up, washing, drying....

Of course, you try to train them up. You encourage them to wash up - ACTIVELY. They need the practice. You teach them how to cook - with varying degrees of success. It's amazing how easy it is to learn to cook biscuits and cake, but a main dish is SO complicated and so much trouble. Why bother, when frozen microwaveable meals are so easy to come by? (This attitude changes dramatically once the parents are no longer footing the bill.)

The washing machine... well, I have to admit that I failed there. Although I tried to leave them to do all their own washing, reasons of economy led me to trawl their rooms at times in order to run a full machine.

Then personality comes into it as well. One may be skilled in keeping a bedroom clean and tidy, another might just LOVE ironing. (Such a pity when they leave home...). One might love to cook - another is brilliant at using up all those leftovers in the fridge, especially when there is enough for a second meal for the family.

Trying to teach someone how to do something when it is not in their natural inclination and they know someone else is available to do it for them... well, what's the point? Life is too short to sweat about these things - it will all work out on a 'need to know how' basis later on. As a parent, you can just do your best.

But however well the kids are trained and taught, it's still not easy. There is just so much to learn to do, especially in a strange place with unfamiliar appliances. My two have coped really well... so maybe they were better prepared than I thought...