A bit of a waffle about happiness...

Listening to a TED talk on happiness, I was reminded of my educational thesis (many many years ago) which explored the development of self as linked to the other - Martin Buber  who suggested that we truly exist when we encounter others (the 'Ich - Du' relationship).  "... the modes of consciousness, interaction, and being through which an individual engages with other individuals, inanimate objects, and all reality in general...expressing the interpersonal nature of human existence....Common English words used to describe the Ich‑Du relationship include encounter, meeting, dialogue, mutuality, and exchange." (Wikipedia)

So as Nancy Etcoff talks about our innate desire for and pursuit of happiness, I found myself thinking about the PSHE syllabus, for which I am responsible at school. And of how, though we encourage giving and generosity and sharing, there are few educational objectives for this. Most of the syllabus is on improving oneself.

Of course, there are myriads of anthropological studies out there on the different ways in which societies function. But, perhaps, happiness really just boils down to one thing: interacting successfully with others, putting others' needs first, being generous and being loving.

Jesus, anyone?

A September Bride

This was another fun read in the Year of Weddings novella series.
Annie Price has recently moved to Red Leaf to take up a job she loves: manager of a second hand bookshop, whose elderly owner, Lorna Kent, she had met online. Unfortunately, barely days into her new job, the police officer who pulls her over for for a fault on her car turns out to be Lorna's son Jesse, who is very suspicious of Annie.

The scene is set for romance, and Kathryn Springer does not disappoint. Neat characterisation and descriptive settings make the reader smile as attraction between Annie and Jesse deepens. Then the local historical society, with which Annie is involved, decides to reenact the wedding of a couple who were instrumental in founding Red Leaf. A relative lends the original wedding dress for the event, and Annie is the only one who can fit into it. Meanwhile, Jesse is then inveigled into taking the part of the groom...

A light bit of escapism in a sweet series: probably one of the best so far. I really enjoyed Springer's writing style and will look for more by this author.

I received this book at no charge from www.booklookbloggers.com in exchange for an honest review.

An August Bride by Debra Clopton

Review no 2. I read An August Bride in August, some light relief in the middle of hectic preparations for our own lovely August Wedding.

Right in the opening of the book Kelsey Wilcox, who has escaped a jilting fiance and her ranching background, is rescued from drowning by Brent Corbin. The sparks of attraction fly between them, but the path of love is not at all smooth.

Kelsey has made a new life for herself, surviving the disappointment of losing her cowboy fiance when he jilted her at the altar AND her father's loss of the family ranch when lack of finances made it impossible to continue.

She has vowed never to have anything to do with cowboys again, having built up her own bakery and cafe business on the beach, but Brent farms a cattle ranch nearby and she finds herself going out there to visit.

As the love story unfolds, with the help of Kelsey's aunt and her two friends who are known as the Matchmakin' Posse of Mule Hollow, we walk with Kelsey as she is faced with her own bitterness. She realises that her dislike of weddings and prejudice against cowboys stem from her own sense of betrayal but that she CAN dare to trust again.  And haven't most women felt like this at some time or another? Walking Kelsey's journey with her, as she gets to know a man who loves and respects her, encourages women with the hope of finding love again.

This was an easy-read little romance, which I read through the Booklook Bloggers program, which provides review copies free of charge.

A July Bride: book review

When I signed up for The Year of Weddings novella series, I hadn't quite appreciated that the year would run away with me, despite Booklook Bloggers providing me with free copies at regular monthly intervals.  I'm enjoying the series and am grateful to them for this lovely, light reading. So, here I am, at the end of October, catching up on book reviews.

A July Bride by Beth Wiseman opens with a wedding and finishes with a wedding. Same bride, different bridegrooms. It is a sweet story of Alyssa, jilted AT THE ALTAR by her high school sweetheart, Brendan. Of course, he regrets it straight away but it is too late: Alyssa, understandably, doesn't want any more to do with him.
On to the scene steps the handsome, well-off Dalton, a nice guy who also happens to be a friend of Alyssa's brother Alex.
Everyone lives, happily and not so happily, in the same small town.

Beth Wiseman weaves an interesting story. Dalton has recently broken up with his girlfriend and, while he wants to date Alyssa, is under no illusions that she will get over Brendan quickly. He's ready to be patient. Brendan, meanwhile, is doing everything he can to get Alyssa back. But she just can't trust him any more...

As Brendan and Alyssa untangle their feelings, dodge their way clumsily through misunderstandings and try to get on with their lives, Alyssa and Dalton get engaged.

There are some charming insights woven into the story. Alyssa tells Brendan: "You don't hurt the people you love," Brendan replies: "Of course you do. When the love is real and deep, you have the capacity to hurt someone more than you ever thought. People who love that deeply hurt each other, even though they don't mean to."

"You can forgive," says Alyssa's friend Sherry, "or you can let the hurt wrap around you until it sucks the life out of you."

Not just a little light reading. Wise advice for marriage, for relationships, for life. A light read: we guess the ending, but it still comes as a slight surprise. And on the way, some personal reflection, too. What's not to love about A July Bride?

The God of Second Chances

The weekend has been perfect for some gentle surfing. The sea is seasonably warm, the sunshine unseasonably strong and constant and the waves clean and gentle: just enough for a little run in towards the beach on a longboard or bodyboard.

It has felt good: the sun on my face, the salt water silky on my skin, turquoise depths rolling gently around my body.

I catch the first wave, leaping up as it approaches just in time. The wave rushes me into shore as I shift my balance to make the most of the water's energy.

The wave spits me onto the sand. Like Jonah, I tumble breathless onto the shore, scrambling to my feet. Like Jonah, I head back again to ride the waves a second time. He heads off to Nineveh, carrying God's message, obedient at last. I head back towards the waves, missing the first good one as I am too far in to shore; then there is another: I still miss it. And another, which I catch.

There is always another wave. There is always another chance. Just like God's grace: always, always another chance when we turn back, head out to sea again, looking for opportunities to be obedient. I think of all those in the Bible who had a second chance, who God did not write off: Moses, murderer, coward; David, adulterer; Peter, deserter...

The wave carries me in again. It is like God's love carrying me: the wave urges me forwards, bringing me to the safety of the sand beneath my feet in shallow water. The tide, just off its peak height, is surging out, but I am safe. It will not sweep me out to sea. Our tides here are vast, the range reaching ten metres on the full moon, among the largest in the world.

The sweep of life is vast: joy and sorrow, gain and loss, life and death...God's grace carries us through. We are not overwhelmed.

I go back out, again and again. I  catch a wave, again and again. Sometimes I miss the chance; sometimes what looks promising, is not; sometimes what looks unpromising, is, carrying me further and faster than I anticipate.

I have more than a second chance. I have many. I just need to keep my eyes open, my heart ready and my ears listening for the roar of the surf.

Postscript: I shared this, and then some more - see below:

Second chances

I've been thinking of second chances recently. Jonah: given a second chance to obey God.  Jacob: reconciled with Esau, after tricking Esau out of his inheritance (Genesis 32 - 34). Jacob sent Esau gifts before their meetings, afraid Esau would destroy his family, but was given a second chance at a relationship. Moses: a murderer and an exile whose countrymen turned against him, given a chance as leader. Samson - got revenge on the Philistines, given another chance to defeat the enemies of Israel. Naomi - given another chance, through Ruth, to be a grandmother. Peter - given another chance to be restored in his relationship with Jesus.

Given another chance. Over and over again.

Notice what happened in these lives before God gave them their second chance:

Jonah “I cried out to the Lord in my great trouble,
and he answered me.
I called to you from the land of the dead,
and Lord, you heard me!
You threw me into the ocean depths,
and I sank down to the heart of the sea.
The mighty waters engulfed me;
I was buried beneath your wild and stormy waves.
Then I said, ‘O Lord, you have driven me from your presence.
Yet I will look once more toward your holy Temple.’

“I sank beneath the waves,
and the waters closed over me.
Seaweed wrapped itself around my head.
I sank down to the very roots of the mountains.
I was imprisoned in the earth,
whose gates lock shut forever.
But you, O Lord my God,
snatched me from the jaws of death!
As my life was slipping away,
I remembered the Lord.
And my earnest prayer went out to you
in your holy Temple.
Those who worship false gods
turn their backs on all God’s mercies.
But I will offer sacrifices to you with songs of praise,
and I will fulfill all my vows.
For my salvation comes from the Lord alone.”

Then God saved Jonah from PHYSICAL death when he 'ordered the fish to spit Jonah up onto dry land.'

Then the Lord spoke to Jonah a second time: 2 “Get up and go to the great city of Nineveh, and deliver the message I have given you.”  (Jonah 3:1 - 2)

And Jonah did. God gave him a second chance.

Moses, too. In more than one way. A murderer, he had fled from Egypt, fearing for his life, but God took him back there again. The fugitive had become a leader who would confront the very man who had power over life and death.  Not only that, even when carrying the stone tablets, "the work of God; the writing was the writing of God, engraved on the tablets", he lost his temper so badly that he threw the work of God on the ground. The tablets broke. Nevertheless, after the Israelites suffered various punishments and consequences, God gave Moses and the people a second chance. God gave the rules all over again.  "...he passed in front of Moses, proclaiming, “The Lord, the Lord, the compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness, maintaining love to thousands, and forgiving wickedness, rebellion and sin." Then Moses, at God's direction, wrote down God's commandments. (Genesis 34:1, 28)

God gave Moses - and the people - a second chance. He gives us second chances, too.

These people experienced: all hope gone - desolation; desperation; restoration.

So what do we do, when we regret something we have done, or something we should have done, but didn't?

It's never too late. We have a God who is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness, loving, forgiving...

We can, like Jonah:

Remember that we have a loving and gracious God and cry out to him, as needily and humbly as small children.

Ask God, like Jacob did, to save us from the consequences of our actions, doing our best to put things right.

Be obedient, as Moses was, listening to God and doing what God tells us to, not knowing where this will take us.

With God, it's never too late. God says in the book of Joel: "I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten— the great locust and the young locust, the other locusts and the locust swarm —
my great army that I sent among you.
You will have plenty to eat, until you are full, and you will praise the name of the Lord your God,
who has worked wonders for you;"

People are fragile

We live in a fragile world. A world of deteriorating environmental quality, a world of natural disasters and man-made tragedies. And in it, we all struggle to live our lives. Daily.

Some of us struggle less than others. Some of us have been born into Western world material comfort, though many have less 'comforts' than the wealthy few. Yet many more of those who live on the planet lack even the most essential of needs: adequate shelter; food - of some description, not necessarily, even, good food; clean water.

Many have lost fathers and mothers, brothers and sisters, friends and neighbours.  Many have suffered great personal tragedy.

Overwhelming.

Yet beauty can come out of ashes. Friends can be family. Kindness can overcome cruelty.

So I need to remember - we ALL need to remember, but I am responsible only for my own actions - how to behave kindly.

To praise and encourage and say kind words to gladden other people's hearts.
To give the benefit of the doubt.
To be gentle with pointing out errors. And that, only if absolutely necessary.
To forgive.
To apologize.
To say 'Thank you. I'm so glad you did that.'

And, also, to be all that to myself as well. Because we are ALL fragile.

I was inspired for this post by Deidra:

"I have three passages of scripture I use as my marching orders. They rest soundly and squarely atop John 3:16, because where would I be without For God so loved the world?

... The first passage of scripture is in the letter we call Ephesians:

The Messiah has made things up between us so that we’re now together on this, both non-Jewish outsiders and Jewish insiders. He tore down the wall we used to keep each other at a distance. He repealed the law code that had become so clogged with fine print and footnotes that it hindered more than it helped. Then he started over. Instead of continuing with two groups of people separated by centuries of animosity and suspicion, he created a new kind of human being, a fresh start for everybody.

...Jesus is in the business of tearing down the walls we build to keep us separated from each other. We build the walls. Not Christ.

...The second passage of scripture is Matthew 18:15, which says, “If a fellow believer hurts you, go and tell him—work it out between the two of you. If he listens, you’ve made a friend.”

...I believe Jesus knew we’d get on each other’s nerves, even in the Body of Christ. I believe he knew we’d see things differently and step on each others’ toes, and that we’d be tempted to let that cause a rift between us. I even believe Jesus knew how we’d tend to take to Facebook and Twitter before we’d walk a mile or so to stand in front of the person who ticked us off and try to work it out between us. Jesus knows the way we think and so He said to us, “Hey, when you get on each others’ nerves, go to that person—face-to-face—and try to figure things out.”

The third passage of scripture is this: “This is how everyone will recognize that you are my disciples—when they see the love you have for each other.” (John 13:35, MSG)

Church (as my pastor used to say), the world is watching us. Like it or not, it’s the truth. The world is watching us. And when we get it right, it’s our love for one another that the world finds attractive. It doesn’t matter what you’ve heard or read, but it’s not programs or numbers or followers or shares that make the world sit up and take notice about the things that matter for eternity. It’s not even miracles and signs and wonders. Jesus didn’t say they’d know we’re His disciples because of how much money we raise or how many books we’ve published. He said the world will know we’re His disciples because of our love for each other.

That’s something, isn’t it?

I have this crazy idea that if the Church—the Body of Christ—could figure this out and stop building walls and holding grudges and let the world see a new kind of extravagant love, we might actually be able to speak truth to power and let God set a table of grace, even in the presence of those who see things differently than we do.

...where is God inviting you to join him? It may not be as far as you think. What’s keeping you from saying yes to Him? What if God wants to grow that seed He’s planted in your heart and all you need to do is let Him do it?

30 years...a brief (very brief) summary

Yesterday was our thirtieth wedding anniversary. (I think. I get muddled up with these ordinal numbers, but I think that is right. In any case, we have been married for thirty years.)

THIRTY years!  How did that happen?!

Thirty years of adventure. Not in a very great sense, in some ways, but perhaps we have seen more adventure and change than many of our peers who have spent all their lives in the UK.

In the last thirty years married to Richard, I have:

1. Given birth to twins. A boy and a girl. Now grown up. Wonderful people.
2. Moved house several times. ( See footnote )
3. Laughed. A lot. Cried some. Shared my heart.
4. Moved continent and culture. Only one major adjustment; several minor ones. 
5. Travelled backwards and forwards between Africa and Europe, and across the globe.
6. Lived in a tent. Twice. For several weeks at a time.
7. Learned to study the Bible, joined Bible study groups and led Bible studies.
8. Lived in a tin hut. Nine months, that one.
9. Cooked over open fires, on antique wood-burning stoves and on a very elderly, running-off-a- gas-cylinder cooker.
10. Lived in a wooden house - built from cedar from Mount Kenya.
11. Made good friends from many different countries, most of whom are now, also, scattered across the globe.
12. Lived in a bungalow, a large Victorian terrace, a modern house and several converted barns...
13. Run a gliding club. Challenging.
14. Run a golf club. Even more challenging.
15. Flown, often, in aeroplanes, from huge jets to tiny two-seaters.
16. Camped in remote parts of the African bush - and even, not so remotely, in Europe, too.
17. Been chased by elephants.
18. Listened to leopards and hyenas.
19. Tracked animal footprints. Yes, even lions.
20. Encountered snakes. Too many times.
21. Bathed in hot water springs.
22. Learned to drive on murram roads, in mud, and past corrupt policemen.
23. Been robbed at home, at knife point.
24. Written stories and, occasionally, published articles.
25. Sailed, canoed and travelled by boat and barge on lakes, rivers and canals. 
26. Swum in the warm Indian ocean and the cold Atlantic.
27. Enjoyed crafting and making cards.
28. Taught many children.
29. Become adept at using computer technology.
30. Written a blog!

Each one tells a story of its own.  And in the previous thirty years? That's another story altogether...

So, we celebrated. With friends. Afternoon tea, tapas lunch. Cake for my colleagues, chocolate for my pupils. And a special meal out...

Overwhelmed with blessing, kind thoughts, touching cards, gifts and beautiful flowers. #feelingloved

2.A list of some of the places we have lived in:

                                                                              Lanet.

                                                                 Njoro Country Club.

                                                                 Mweiga Airfield
                                     

                                                           Aberdare Country Club.

Kiganjo

Nairobi

Rugby.

Bailloterie.

4 Cabot.

Barnsfield.